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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

hi guyz.. did not post for 4days..life was still busy after common test.. alot of things are not able to control.. everything may not work against the plan.. i though life will not be so stress after common test.. no.. is not.. totally not.. many things can be form between days and hours.. sometime when the faults don't lies on you.. but in the end.. everything became your problems.. at that kind of period you will know that no one undertand you.. worst.. when people say the fault in on you.. for nothing you must be the black sheep.. nevermind.. everyone is given a liscen to angry, sad, fight for their rights, show attitude.. except for me.. i do anything nedd to see people face.. allow them to insult or use me.. i don't mind.. as i don't have the rightd to fight back.. the moment i does.. alot of peopele will start to come against me..ya.. the fact.. thats why i choose to kept everything to myself.. and present of my happy moment to you guys.. but who kows about my sorrow.. who know i am suffering.. no one.. getting emo or sad doesn't mean i care or does the thing.. as you all are not the one who were suffering.. when i am down, sad, helpless.. i got no one to turn to.. the only thing i does.. was to freak myself out of no ways.. who knows.. ya.. no one want does.. and this show that i don't care anything.. and all i did was nothing to them.. and if laying all those job there .. who will do it... no one.. ya.. someone told me this.. when you does something right.. no one praise you.. the moment you make a minor mistake.. fingers starts to point at you.. scoldings around.. people started to blame you.. i try to overcome all this.. but there will always be a limit for all this.. sometime i am really very tire.. but who can i turn to.. no one.. only myself.. i can't turn to my family, not my sis, not my bud, not my boa beis, not even my friends.. always.. and is always ALWAYS.. i facing all the problems by myself.. only myself.. i always got to face all my problems by myself.. but i seems nothing to others.. it doesn't meaning i care about the thing.. but the fact is i care about t.. i worried.. but who knows.. who knows i cried my sorrow out everynight when my family members were in their dream land.. no one.. NOT A SINGLE SOUL DOES.. sometime i felt it was unfair to me.. but yiu people will say.. so what.. is not my problem.. thats your life.. ya.. that my life.. so i got to surrender.. why must i.. it was a hard time for me.. for all of this period.. who knows.. you people only now my family members was sad about that fucking asshole women left us.. and think that i am hard enough.. so hard til i don't concern about them.. NO.. it wasn't true.. i am just pretending to be strong.. i can't cried in front of them.. as i am the eldest.. so i got to wait.. got to wait till everynight.. only in the night.. i could hide under my blanket to cry out my sorrow.. but who knows.. no one knows about it.. you guys only see the part i smiling, joking, being the clown of the day to make you guys happy.. giving you all all the entertainment i could think of.. but who gave all this to me.. no one.. NO ONE.. i only could show the real me at night.. why.. why being the eldest should face this.. idon't see my friends facing all this problem.. why everything just falls on me.. and why am i asking this stupid question, when there is no one answering to it.. ya.. you people will think i am foolish, stupid, dumb.. in fact.. i am not.. not showing the true self of mine will be better.. if i does.. my sibilings will get bullied.. if i does.. i am not be living in this world.. if it does.. i think i may not live till now.. still standing lifely in front of you guys.. stressful live had been surrounding me for years.. since i am in primary school.. since the day i got to face my family and school.. if i did show my true self.. i think i may not know you guys and i will be disappear long time ago.. that will be so nice.. i do not need to face all this fucking shit anymore.. if it does.. i had say.. sayonara.. to you guys.. long long time ago..


Catching the falling leaves ...[Tuesday, August 28, 2007]
****** ******


Friday, August 24, 2007

yoz guys.. so long did not post.. due to common test.. ya.. you say you wanna give up.. ya.. we still can be friends.. but can you just don't care about my result or anything.. please.. i really want to say out sia.. but i scare those words may hurt you.. thats why i kept it for so long.. please i don't like it, when you came over to other class.. example chinese lesson.. please i am irritated by your act.. sometime you tak so loud.. please.. to others maybe nothing.. but to me you are just simply AA-ing.. may be you don't think so.. but this is how i feel.. you say you wanna give up.. ya.. then do it.. there are lot more girls outside the school you can woo for.. you are not my type.. i think i am not your type too.. i think i have given you enough chances to change.. but no progress.. so too bad.. thats it.. there are still girls, standard better than me by 100times.. but that only depends whether they want ma la.. not i wanna suan you.. but you really must change your behaviour and attitude.. and you don't have the most basic skill.. you are still not familar with girls.. all the best.. i think my words may hurt.. but i can't hide the truth.. you will not learn your mistake, when no one told you about it..
personal feeling.. emo-ing in progress..
You are my everything
Nothing your love won't bring
My life is yours alone
The only love
I've ever known
Your spirit pulls me through
When nothing else will do
Every night I pray
On bended knee
That you will always be
My everything


Catching the falling leaves ...[Friday, August 24, 2007]
****** ******


Monday, August 20, 2007

hi guys.. left two more paper to freedom.. but i can't concentrate to study.. regret.. regret watching the video.. it really make me emo..ZZZ..
personal feelings.. watching those videos cause me sad and emo.. going to break down this few days.. i really got nothing to say.. i don't how to express ma sorrow.. i am so confuse.. the feeling was like dying.. i can't control my mind.. my head was so damn heavy.. so stress.. so i rritated.. ARGH!!!!!!!!!! dying!!!!!!!!!!..T.T
我那躲也躲不掉的微妙伤口
隐隐作痛
你那戒也戒不掉的甜蜜借口
也让我精神腐朽
说你爱我
变成一种问候
不如趁早放手
把爱坠落
让满地鲜红
说你爱我
变成一种折磨
不用陪我走到最后
我承担不起你的承诺
我真的承担不起你的承诺... T.T


Catching the falling leaves ...[Monday, August 20, 2007]
****** ******


Thursday, August 16, 2007

Everybody’s got something they had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
There’s no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can’t find ways to let you know
I’ve never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I’ve moved on
You’ll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You’re the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you
Somewhere in my memory
I’ve lost all sense of time
And so my road can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind
There’s no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can’t find ways to let you go
I’ve never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I’ve moved on
You’ll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You’re the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be
You’ll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will
Oh baby, you’ll always be the one I know I’ll never forget
There’s no use looking back or wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try I just can’t say goodbye
No no no noI’ve never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I’ve moved on
You’ll always be my baby
I never found the words to say (words to say)
You’re the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be
A part of me will always be with you
personal feeling.. 2days.. 2days le.. we did not chat for 2days le.. haiz.. so sian.. what should i do.. why am i the one always starting the topic.. and i don't dare to go too far.. as i had phobia for going too direct.. that lesson means alot to me.. haha..


Catching the falling leaves ...[Thursday, August 16, 2007]
****** ******


Sunday, August 12, 2007

hey guys.. life seems unchange.. everyday study.. eat .. sleep.. exam.. =.=.. so sian sia..so stress.. why must we have exam..use project work and judge la.. we don't need to stress so much.. you teachers do not need to mark so many paper.. omg.. going siao.. over stress... so sian sia.. may die of sianzation.. haha.. ZZZ.. and today tution was kind of irritated.. sian half..ZZZ.. omfg..ZZZ could i have a better life...ZZZ.. mother fooker.. i am so hungry now.. wanna eat something.. wish there was a big pot of curry in front of me.. later going to eat with ah ma.. time faster come.. than i can eat..ZZZ..
personal feeling.. so glad that i manage to chat with you the past two days.. but i wish that it could be everyday.. i would be so happy mann.. haha.. but alot of thing was not under my control.. wait for fate? omg sia..
本来不觉得你特别疼我, 直到你不再疼爱我以后.
我那躲也躲不掉的微妙伤口, 隐隐作痛.
你那戒也戒不掉的甜蜜借口, 也让我精神腐朽.


Catching the falling leaves ...[Sunday, August 12, 2007]
****** ******


Friday, August 10, 2007

My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I feel
Cuz my heart's been through it before
Am I'm just seeing what I want to see
Or is it true
Could you really be
Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know
Before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
(Who warns) my ups and downs
So tell me now
Before I fall in love
And I'm at the point of no return
So afraid of getting burned
But I wanna take a chance
Oh please
Give me a reason to believe
Say you're the one that you'll always be
Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soulI need to know
Before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
(Who warns) my ups and downs
So tell me now
Before I fall in love
It's been so hard for me
To give my heart away
But I would give my everything
Just to hear you say...
Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know
Before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
(Who warns) my ups and downs
So tell me now
Before I fall in love
when i was with you.. i felt so secure.. when i need you.. you will be there.. but you still will disappear sometimes.. i think i had fall in love with you.. i am so sure as i have this feeling before.. this feeling was so true.. as you had hold my heart and soul.. you are there when i am down.. sometime your cute face really make my day.. eventhough is hard to chat with you.. your maturity makes me felt so secure.. when i was down.. i just wish that i could rest into your embrace.. when i felt weak.. i wish you could hold me into your arms.. don't ever allow me to slip through.. i really love you.. what about you.. i really want to know your answer as soon as possible.. so i do not need to wait on msn to get the chance to chat with you... i will wait for your answer.. i think i had make a right choice to like a older guy.. smile..


Catching the falling leaves ...[Friday, August 10, 2007]
****** ******



hahahaha.. i am back... 8 august when for 24hour basketball match.. haha.. was tire.. -.-.. we really have fun.. although we lost all the matches.. is so great to play with miss may.. it seems that we had gone back to the past.. so fun.. so memorable.. miss them so much.. miss that period that we play at the LSBC it was fun.. saw some of the seniors there to.. after the match with miss may.. we go take lunch.. after that go support our school netball team.. ai ya.. not really school.. is the seniors they all.. they did not manage to get into top4.. but they did very well le.. netball is quite interesting too.. haha.. they also quite aggressive.. haha.. after that.. ah bud accompany to do the JEA thingy.. we find our way like siao.. as ashley told me art house = art museum.. -.-.. den we walk all the way from the art museum to art house..ZZZ.. is far de sia.. we eat dinner le.. than continue our 'duty'.. there was so many people there.. so crowded.. we sweat all too although we only spend time with our mentors for 3periods.. that make it so meaningful and memorable for us.. will miss them de.. T.T..
personal feeling.. life was down.. yesterday saw those blue fireworks.. emo emo.. don't know why.. just emo.. thanks alot for you guan xing.. about my gastric pain.. i very very appreciated with it.. but i still will emo.. don't know why.. 在你耳边轻轻说出最后的要求, 不要对她说出一样的话, 别说你多晚都会等她的电话, 因为这些是我仅有残留的梦. 我愿忍受折磨, 独自去拥有曾经的温柔.


Catching the falling leaves ...[Friday, August 10, 2007]
****** ******


Tuesday, August 07, 2007

OMG.. today was a damn fucking day.. irritated by that stupid fucking asshole.. omg.. please this is not cheat.. bluff and cheat is different.. you bluff de teacher is not me.. and don't ever drag me into your picture.. please i say before.. i will not or never ever like a guy who do not have any trust worthy.. and for what i need to forgive you.. who you think you are.. you are not my buddy or anthing or even anybody.. you think you are guilty than you got apologise to those teacher whom you lie to.. next everyone willhave a choice to do things.. if you don't want go bukit chandu.. you can just stay back and do your duty right.. oh.. so you think that pontang very brave ar.. very shen yong ar.. like gang leader ar.. please that was crap.. piece of shit.. so if you are the person who go.. oh you find it very weird ar.. than you follow other people la.. please.. to me you are just their follower.. and being a follower will only let people kan bu qi.. don't have own decision, own thinking.. OMFG.. i can only say you are damn shi bai.. and can you just 07092105 1514 1305..
personal feeling.. i am still waiting.. you try to get chance to talk to you.. but wish you can talk to me like the past.. just saw you on saturday.. but i wish i caould see you everyday.. hehe..其實我非常愛你不想失去你, 難道我沒有權利說我不願意..


Catching the falling leaves ...[Tuesday, August 07, 2007]
****** ******


Sunday, August 05, 2007

yoz guys.. yesterday was tire mann.. wear the stupid heels.. than got to walk around with that. omg.. is pain de ok.. than last minutes call me go stage..-.-.. cos miss solartri don't want murni to wear pants.. yesterday also quite fun.. i accidently say our mrs pek nickname(given by me.. and is called xiao bai).. then mdm heng, miss portial tan, mr ti, miss lai and mdm yang all heard.. if mrs pek knows it.. i think i am going to die.. but is fun ya.. haha..
personal feeling.. yesterday you did come.. haha.. dress quite formal.. look like a man.. diao what am i talking about.. you are a guy what..-.-!!.. but quite nice.. haha.. so happy.. but only got to talk to you awhile nia.. ZZZ.. k thats all..感动越是深刻, 寂寞就越伤人, 每个人的心里都会有一段伤痕..
yoku kuchi ni shite iru
yoku yume ni mite iru
yoku futari katattari shite iru
"shiawase ni naritai" tte
mou nando me ni naru n darou
ittai nani ga hoshikute
ittai nani ga fuman de
ittai doko e mukau no to ka tte
kikarete mo kotae nante
mochiawasete'nai kedo ne


Catching the falling leaves ...[Sunday, August 05, 2007]
****** ******


Friday, August 03, 2007

sian sian sian.. school was fine.. after school play badminton with ah bud.. mush mush.. ah wei.. shi hui.. mush mush very pro.. haha.. tomorrow got duty for achievers day.. ZZZ.. gonna wear heels again.. OMG.. i don't want!!!... tomorrow you guys can see a penguin walking around SPCC... hahaha.. k thats for today..
personal feeling.. nothing.. god ws unfair.. haha.. how could things be so perfect and fair.. impossible right.. i don't know WTF i am thinking of.. i wounder do i make the wrong decision.. but the other choice was not the thing i want.. everything ws so messy now.. we seldom chat nowadays.. on msn u ask me about CCA.. u called me.. just ask me for your item.. argh.. no longer like the past.. i feel gaps between us..it was getting bigger and bigger.. i don't want this to go on.. i need you to stop it.. just go back to the simple and to me is sweet de life..
tsurai toki dare ga soba ni ite kurete
dare no kata de namida o nagashita?
yorokobi wa dare to wakeatte
dare to te o toriatte kita?
omoidashite iru yo
futari hanarete sugoshita yoru wa
tsuki ga tooku de naite ita yo
futari hanarete sugoshita yoru wa
tsuki ga tooku de naite'ta


Catching the falling leaves ...[Friday, August 03, 2007]
****** ******


Wednesday, August 01, 2007

hi guys.. today is dad's birthday.. haha.. i bought cake and chanpaign.. ah wei bought a birthday card.. little bro was the boss of the day.. he treated us dinner.. evrything was so fine.. this prove to the TT women.. we still had a happy life after you left.. oh.. this may make you regret i think.. we will continue like that.. please wake up from your fairy tale mann.. today..ZZZ.. be the MC for the china students.. saw some of the china friends.. but forgotten their name.. the programme was still alright.. haha.. MC is also a difficult task.. must smile and eye contact with the audience.. phew.. tomorrow got chinese paper1.. should be today but got the MC thingy so postpone to tomorrow.. great day mann.. hehe..
personal feeling.. after choosing the path..seems like god is fooling me mann.. i don't why i felt afraid.. feeling that i am gonna to lose you.. i am so scare.. we chat at 8.05pm yet.. we end conversation at 8.09pm.. last time we could chat all the way to late night.. we still chat on phone sometimes.. but now.. everything seems so weird mann.. too weird..我是真的真的真的很爱你, 以为付出了一切就非得有意义.but i am wrong..
说你爱我
变成一种问候
不如趁早放手
把爱坠落让满地鲜红
说你爱我
变成一种折磨
不用陪我走到最后
我承担不起你的承诺


Catching the falling leaves ...[Wednesday, August 01, 2007]
****** ******







Xiao Pang, 17 (:
Turns a year older on every 18 January.
My real name is Chua Pei Qi Peggy.
People prefer to call me Xiao Pang.
Add me @ peg_5566@hotmail.com

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