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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

hi guyz.. did not post for 4days..life was still busy after common test.. alot of things are not able to control.. everything may not work against the plan.. i though life will not be so stress after common test.. no.. is not.. totally not.. many things can be form between days and hours.. sometime when the faults don't lies on you.. but in the end.. everything became your problems.. at that kind of period you will know that no one undertand you.. worst.. when people say the fault in on you.. for nothing you must be the black sheep.. nevermind.. everyone is given a liscen to angry, sad, fight for their rights, show attitude.. except for me.. i do anything nedd to see people face.. allow them to insult or use me.. i don't mind.. as i don't have the rightd to fight back.. the moment i does.. alot of peopele will start to come against me..ya.. the fact.. thats why i choose to kept everything to myself.. and present of my happy moment to you guys.. but who kows about my sorrow.. who know i am suffering.. no one.. getting emo or sad doesn't mean i care or does the thing.. as you all are not the one who were suffering.. when i am down, sad, helpless.. i got no one to turn to.. the only thing i does.. was to freak myself out of no ways.. who knows.. ya.. no one want does.. and this show that i don't care anything.. and all i did was nothing to them.. and if laying all those job there .. who will do it... no one.. ya.. someone told me this.. when you does something right.. no one praise you.. the moment you make a minor mistake.. fingers starts to point at you.. scoldings around.. people started to blame you.. i try to overcome all this.. but there will always be a limit for all this.. sometime i am really very tire.. but who can i turn to.. no one.. only myself.. i can't turn to my family, not my sis, not my bud, not my boa beis, not even my friends.. always.. and is always ALWAYS.. i facing all the problems by myself.. only myself.. i always got to face all my problems by myself.. but i seems nothing to others.. it doesn't meaning i care about the thing.. but the fact is i care about t.. i worried.. but who knows.. who knows i cried my sorrow out everynight when my family members were in their dream land.. no one.. NOT A SINGLE SOUL DOES.. sometime i felt it was unfair to me.. but yiu people will say.. so what.. is not my problem.. thats your life.. ya.. that my life.. so i got to surrender.. why must i.. it was a hard time for me.. for all of this period.. who knows.. you people only now my family members was sad about that fucking asshole women left us.. and think that i am hard enough.. so hard til i don't concern about them.. NO.. it wasn't true.. i am just pretending to be strong.. i can't cried in front of them.. as i am the eldest.. so i got to wait.. got to wait till everynight.. only in the night.. i could hide under my blanket to cry out my sorrow.. but who knows.. no one knows about it.. you guys only see the part i smiling, joking, being the clown of the day to make you guys happy.. giving you all all the entertainment i could think of.. but who gave all this to me.. no one.. NO ONE.. i only could show the real me at night.. why.. why being the eldest should face this.. idon't see my friends facing all this problem.. why everything just falls on me.. and why am i asking this stupid question, when there is no one answering to it.. ya.. you people will think i am foolish, stupid, dumb.. in fact.. i am not.. not showing the true self of mine will be better.. if i does.. my sibilings will get bullied.. if i does.. i am not be living in this world.. if it does.. i think i may not live till now.. still standing lifely in front of you guys.. stressful live had been surrounding me for years.. since i am in primary school.. since the day i got to face my family and school.. if i did show my true self.. i think i may not know you guys and i will be disappear long time ago.. that will be so nice.. i do not need to face all this fucking shit anymore.. if it does.. i had say.. sayonara.. to you guys.. long long time ago..


Catching the falling leaves ...[Tuesday, August 28, 2007]
****** ******







Xiao Pang, 17 (:
Turns a year older on every 18 January.
My real name is Chua Pei Qi Peggy.
People prefer to call me Xiao Pang.
Add me @ peg_5566@hotmail.com

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